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Youre A Germ! Can You Make Bruce Springsteen Sick Enough To Cancel A Concert?

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Bruce Springsteen…the world’s greatest man…

With his band, the E Street Men (And Also My Wife), he has sold more than 120 million records and performed 18 world tours in over 50 countries…

He’s got a best friend named Little Steve, who is also in the E Street Men but isn’t his wife…

Yes, The String Man has done it all—he’s sang, he’s worn earrings, and he’s gotten married—but there’s still one thing he has yet to do…

Bruce Springsteen has never been sick.

Yes. Bruce Springsteen has never once been sick. After all those years of traveling the world and being married, he’s never once sneezed or vomited or vomited off a boat.

And that’s where you come in.

No, that’s not a lie. Bruce Springsteen has never once been sick. After all those years of traveling the world and being married, he’s never once sneezed or vomited or vomited off a boat.

And that’s where you come in.

Yes. You.

This is Bruce’s mouth, or “The Cave.” This is where you live.

And this is you. You’re a germ.

As a germ, it’s your job to make Bruce Springsteen sick for the first time in his life. You’ll need to travel through his body and do what no germ has ever done before: get him so sick that he can’t play his next concert.

So, can you do it?

Good. Then let’s get started.

Yes, you are.

And, as a germ, it’s your job to make Bruce Springsteen sick for the first time in his life. You’ll need to travel through his body and do what no germ has ever done before: get him so sick that he can’t play his next concert.

So, can you do it?

Good. Then let’s get started.

Okay! Here you are, in what Bruce and his wife affectionately call “The Cave.” This is where sounds and gases exit Bruce’s body, and where sickness should enter.

As you travel through Bruce’s body, click [Zoom out.] to see how your attempts to make him sick enough to cancel his big concert are working.

Where would you like to go?

Okay! Here you are, back in what Bruce and his wife affectionately call “The Cave.” Where would you like to go now?

You choose to go up, and follow a long, wet tube that Bruce calls “Little Steven,” in honor of his best friend, Little Steve. It feels a lot like The Cave, but Bruce isn’t famous for it. What would you like to do here?

You choose to go back, and follow a long, wet tube that Bruce calls “Little Steven.” It feels a lot like The Cave, but Bruce isn’t famous for it. What would you like to do here?

Bruce is chomping on handfuls of antibiotics and women’s health supplements backstage to make sure he’ll never get sick, which he won’t.

You continue upwards, and suddenly, things start to narrow…

You go backwards, and suddenly, things start to open up again…

Suddenly, you come upon a narrow hallway.

You continue. The hallway leads to a mysterious door.

“Hello, small germ. Welcome to Bruce Springsteen’s brain,” says a voice, echoing loudly. “Congratulations on getting this far. Few have ever seen Bruce’s vast tub of knowledge, which is, to be honest, mostly about New Jersey and being healthy.”

“But before I continue any further with you, I would like to ask you something,” says the brain. “See, Bruce is so healthy that I’m worried he’s actually too healthy. I really want to make him just slightly less well, but the only thing is, I don’t want to make him sick. If I gave you three options, would you tell me the one you would choose?”

Good call. One of these options could make Bruce sick!

“Thank you so much!” says the brain. “So, option one: I have this on/off switch, and I’m not sure what it does. I was wondering if I should hit it.”

“Great choice!” says the brain. “I think this is going to make Bruce slightly less unhealthy, but not quite sick!”

He flicks the switch.

Bruce runs out onstage in front of thousands of fans, feeling healthy as ever.

“I’m a healthy god!” he sings. “I’ll never be unhealthy and I’ll never be sick / No, no, no / Not this boy from New Jersey / Nothing can ever hurt me and I’m going to live forever.”

The crowd is going nuts. Then all of a sudden, he falls to the ground.

“Bruce, are you healthy?” shouts Little Steve into the mic. “Bruce, if you’re healthy, wake up.”

Bruce doesn’t respond.

“Not this boy from New Jersey / Nothing can ever hurt me and I’m going to live forever,” sings the crowd.

Well, you killed Bruce Springsteen. Unfortunately, what that means is that you got Bruce sick, but you didn’t get him to cancel the concert. Not only did all the fans not get their money back, but The String Man is dead. If you want to get Bruce sick and cancel the concert, you’ll have to start over and try another way.

“Okay, I see why that might not be the best idea,” he says. “So, option two: I wrote this song called ‘I’m Not Sick At All But I Want To Go To The Hospital.’ Should I have Bruce sing it tonight?”

“Great choice!” says the brain. “I think this is going to make Bruce slightly less unhealthy, but not quite sick!”

Bruce runs out onstage in front of thousands of adoring fans, feeling healthy as ever.

“Hey everybody, I’ve got a new song I just wrote that I’d like to play for you all today,” he yells at the crowd. “It’s called ‘I’m Not Sick At All But I Want To Go To The Hospital,’ and I hope you’ll all raise your hands and sing along.”

The crowd is going nuts. Bruce begins to sing.

“There once was a Jersey boy named Bruce and he felt great / That boy was healthy his whole life, and never once twisted fate / No , no / No one lives forever, but the one exception is me…”

“Except right now / Because I’m not sick at all but I want to go to the hospital…”

“That’s right! / I’m not sick at all, but I want to go to the hospital! / I’m so damn healthy that I’ve never ever been…”

“So, someone, someone / Please call 911.”

Well, the concert was canceled. An ambulance came onstage, picked Bruce up, and took him to the hospital, just like he asked. Unfortunately, though, you didn’t actually make Bruce sick—you just gave him a hefty medical bill and ruined the show. If you want to make him sick next time, you’ll have to start over from the beginning!

“Totally makes sense why I shouldn’t do that,” he says. “So, your third and final option: Bruce loves to dance with fans. If there is someone in the audience with a disease, should I make Bruce dance with them?”

“Great choice!” says the brain. “I think this is going to make Bruce slightly less unhealthy, but not quite sick!”

“Hey everyone!” shouts Bruce to the audience as he runs onstage to start his concert. “Is there anyone out there who has a deadly disease? If so, I would like to dance with you.”

“You, honey, right there. You look like you have a debilitating disease.”

“I have Zinka,” she yells. “I have Zinka, and it sucks!”

Bruce pulls her up onstage.

“I love Zinka, baby,” he yells. “Dance with me, Zinka lady!”

They dance and dance for several hours, until…

You did it! You got Bruce so sick that he canceled his concert. After dancing for hours with the mysterious and sick woman, Bruce came down with Zinka and had to cancel his show. As of now, you’re the only thing that’s ever successfully gotten Bruce sick. Congratulations!

“Okay, we’ll go through them again, but this time, pay attention.”

Bruce is writing down a list of doctors he would fight if they were to tell him he weren’t the healthiest man on earth. He will then read it out loud to the audience.

Looks like you’ve got your work cut out for you!

You enter the nose. It’s dark and moist in here.

Yikes. It’s so dark and moist in here that, unfortunately, you’ve started to panic. Suddenly, though, you spot a bright light.

You walk toward the bright light. The closer you go, the more blinding it becomes.

Wow. You adjust to the light and look around, and then you realize you’re outside! Just as quickly as you entered Bruce’s nose, you left it. Now, you’re not just a germ—you’re a germ who is even more disgusting because you’ve left Bruce’s clean body and entered the filthy world.

So, now that you’re outside, what kind of nasty shit do you want to touch?

You get into the nasty shit that is Bruce’s big messy hog, Little Steve, and roll your filthy germ body around all over him. How would you like to become worse and get Bruce sick?

You travel down Bruce’s body to get into the nasty shit that is his foot. You roll your filthy germ body around it and try to make him have an itch onstage. How would you like to become worse and get Bruce sick?

You travel down Bruce’s body to get into the beautiful place that is his butt. You roll your filthy germ body around it and try to make him have an itch onstage. How would you like to become worse and get Bruce sick?

You decide to multiply, and it is disgusting. Now that you’ve split in half a bunch of times, what would you like to do?

You continue to multiply, and you become, somehow, even more disgusting. God, look at you—you’re a biological monstrosity. Now what would you like to do?

You’re back inside and stronger than ever. You take your new germ body and fuck and shit all over Bruce’s nose. You take everything you picked up in the nasty outside and use it to go to town on The String Man in a way he’s never felt. But, my God—have you changed too much? Have you, perhaps, become too strong?

You begin to mutate…

…and continue mutating…

…until you become…this. Wow. You’re noticeably spikier, fatter, and more disgusting. What would you like to do now?

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